walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
