Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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