have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The Olympian is in my bed
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
