I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
