Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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