I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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