glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
