we're chasing vodka with high fives
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
