Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
