Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
