how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
