just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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