Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
