the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
