Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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