she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
