Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
