a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
