I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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