I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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