Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
