We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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