Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
