Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
