Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
