Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
