Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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