they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
