I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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