I'm really into asian looking animals
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
