All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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