Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
