you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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