Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
