I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
