There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
