It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
