FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
