I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
