it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
