By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize