wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
