You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did you just send me my own nude
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
