All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
