take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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