we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize