im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
