We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
