My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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