Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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