Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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