Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize