i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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