We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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