My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
