So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
