I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
