ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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