he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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