I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
