An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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