didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
