And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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