I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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