Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
