he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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