Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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