Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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