i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
