how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
