Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
