I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize