been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
