found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
