Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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