Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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