Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
