I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
