I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just puked most of my soul out..
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