I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was like eating out sand paper
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
