thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Randomize
