what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
