Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
