OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
