Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
