I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
