I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
