just come out here and I will go home with you...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
