you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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