can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
