Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
