Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize